Thanks to those who took a stab at solving our holiday hink pink puzzle. The answers await below:

  • Ornamental cap for the gland that secretes melatonin (hinkily pinkily): Pineal finial
  • Very poor job, colloquially, of hurling a carnival’s live-animal swallower (hinky pinky): Weak-sauce geek toss
  • Barmier chortling (hinky pinky): Dafter laughter
  • Wally Cleaver’s failed attempt to pass himself off as author of the Cultural Revolution (hinkily pinkily): Tony Dow’s phony Mao
  • Maltese Falcon actor’s anecdote about a Yankee shortstop (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Peter Lorre’s Jeter story
  • Government payout after a Dadaist injured himself while hoisting a urinal in the British Museum? (hinky pinky): Duchamp’s loo comp
  • Hannibal native’s stint as Colombian rebels’ jefe (hinky pinky): Mark Twain’s FARC reign
  • Ingenious bug bedeviling Hannah Montana (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Miley Cyrus’ wily virus
  • Literary whaler’s dig at a celebrity chef (hinky pinky): Ahab’s Flay jab
  • Feud between a pop icon and the author of Executioner’s Song (hinkily pinkily): Taylor Swift-Mailer rift
  • Prison for promiscuous bovines (hinky pinky): Loose cow hoosegow
  • Missile-riding actor, give a quick read to Bleak House! (hinkily pinkily): Slim Pickens, skim Dickens!
  • Verbal puzzle for Whedoniacs (hinky pinky): Joss nerd crossword
  • Germanic cube of rebaked bread (hinky pinky): Teuton crouton
  • Worldwide internet community clobbers Louisiana senator for his sex-play in a funeral-home vehicle (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Twitterverse whomps Vitter hearse romps
  • Japanese general’s icy treat (hinky pinky): Tojo’s froyo
  • Depression-era president’s ice-cream-pastel blinds (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Herbert Hoover’s sherbet louvers
  • Barney Fife’s French witticisms? (hinky pinky): Don Knotts’ bon mots
  • Would-be presidential assassin Fromme’s luau torch (hinky pinky): Squeaky’s tiki
  • Maurice Gibb in Melanesia (hinky pinky—all rhyme): Fiji BeeGee
  • Mediterranean condiment is in favor of getting a Brazilian (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Tahini backs bikini wax
  • Cartoon superhero rodent’s mercurial marital partner (hinkily pinkily): Mighty Mouse’s flighty spouse
  • Babylonian legal code namesake’s sidelight of experimenting with ionizing radiation (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Hammurabi’s gamma hobby
  • Name for the occasion when a Fascist-friendly poet sprang for diet citrus soft drinks for all (hinkily pinkily–and with a slight rhyme cheat): Ezra Pound’s Fresca round
  • Headline: Internet rumor clearinghouse confirms that the Vatican is now a nuclear power (hinkily pinkily): com: “Pope’s got bomb”
  • Campus jail in Blacksburg (hinky pinky): Hokie Pokey
  • Psychiatrist of 20th-century American pragmatist philosopher Richard grabs a wee nap (hinkily pinkily): Rorty shrink’s forty winks
  • Policy analyst’s straightened Afro (hink pink): Wonk conk
  • Fictive evangelist’s larder (hinky pinky): Gantry’s pantrymanatee1
  • Little kitchen corner where the microscope’s inventor keeps his Ray Lewis jersey (hinkily pinkily): Leeuwenhoek’s Raven nook
  • Sea herbivore’s self-regard (hinkily pinkily): Manatee’s vanity
  • 18th/19th-century German polymath’s state of Indian seclusion (hinky pinky): Goethe’s purdah
  • Classic TV kid’s dim captor (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Opie Taylor’s dopey jailor
  • Elizabeth Bennet’s Bollywood suitor (hinky pinky): Farsi Darcy
  • Apathetic island race of mythology’s welcoming committee for Michelle Obama (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Lotus-Eaters’ FLOTUS greeters
  • English diarist’s broken-down jalopies (hink pink): Pepys’ jeeps
  • Jewel-encrusted aileron (hink pink): Wing bling
  • Roman magistrate’s cute car (hinky pinky): Pliny’s Mini
  • Bumbling inspector’s dowry (hinky pinky): Clouseau trousseau
  • Compulsively stockpilin’ hatcheter (hinky pinky): Hoardin’ Borden
  • Recently retired Laker great’s smoothie-shop misadventure (hinkily pinkily): Black Mamba’s wack Jamba
  • Terrible product idea: Small beanbag with glue on its underside (hinkily pinkily): tacky-back hacky sack
  • What a manager (Domo arigato, sir!) had to do in 1983 when an arena-rock band jonesed for a crispy candy bar but none were available (hinky pinky, but all rhyme): Nix Styx’ Twix fix
  • Singer/Urban Cowboy club-owner’s shuddering fear of love bites (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Mickey Gilley’s hickey willies
  • Hootenanny featuring the Supremes (hinky pinky): Motown hoedown
  • Middle Brady sis is tryin’ for an inhalation high and a fiber-filled breakfast at the same time (hinkily pinkily): Jan huffin’ bran muffin
  • Post-dinger celebration failed to connect with Forrest (hinky pinky): Fist bump missed Gump
  • Oddball list: Toothy present-day fish, toothy squeaky-clean songstress/star of the 1950s, toothy prehistoric meat-devourer (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo): Piranha, Doris, Tyrannosaurus
  • Distaff soccer great’s Sorento fraud (hinkily pinkily): Mia’s Kia
  • “Firework” diva’s milking operation, staffed by pirates (hinkily pinkily): Katey Perry’s matey dairy
  • Actor/Soulquarians’ rapper idly draws instant dorm-pasta (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Common doodles Ramen noodles
  • Polka satirist quailed before 2001 computer (hinky pinky): Weird Al feared Hal
  • World’s biggest-selling writer’s ululation on a workers’ holiday (hinklediddle pinklediddle): K. Rowling’s May Day howling
  • Underwood canned-meat-sponsored pageant winner’s unkempt Dracula creator, familiarly (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Miss Deviled Ham’s disheveled Bram
  • Outlaw Country icon’s verbal eruptions about a certain Grizzly Mama (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Waylon Jennings’ Palin ventings
  • A gathering of ten devout yellow henchmen (hinky pinky): Minion minyan
  • Please outlaw Common Sense pamphleteer Tom’s sexist explications! (hinky pinky): Ban Paine’s mansplains!
  • What’s seen when a portly officer’s shirt rides up while securing an arrestee (hinkily pinkily): Cuffin’ cop’s muffin top
  • Plow inherited by John Scopes’ defense lawyer (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Clarence Darrow’s parents’ harrow
  • Beyonce’s husband upchucks country short-shorts (hinkily pinkily): Jay Z pukes Daisy Dukes